


Extracts from Hogwarts' Disciplinary Log

by raven_aorla



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Epistolary, F/M, Gen, Ghosts, Hijinks, Humor, Those Poor Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 13:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17940413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: In a world where a few favorite Internet personalities are Hogwarts students, this is a partial record of the trouble they get into.





	Extracts from Hogwarts' Disciplinary Log

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by [a canonical Try Guys video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7DRocap4kY) and I have stuck to how they Sorted themselves. Further notes at the end to explain how I decided everyone else. Oh, and I don't know how Becky spells her full first name, but I was able to find her maiden name, so *handwave*. 
> 
> By the way, everyone’s respective House lost points for these shenanigans. This is just a record of personal actions and consequences. Also, imagine each entry has been signed by the person who supervised the detention. Hogwarts needs way more accountability. 
> 
> I have only love and respect for the real people whose public personas I have used as inspiration for this bit of silliness.

NAME: Fulmer, Edward

HOUSE: Gryffindor 

INFRACTION: Punched another Keeper during Quidditch practice for insulting his girlfriend. They were thankfully not on broomsticks at the time.

PUNISHMENT: Temporary Quidditch suspension, 200 lines of “I should keep my temper.”

*

NAME: Habersberger, Keith

HOUSE: Hufflepuff

INFRACTION: Transfiguring inexpensive objects - but some belonging to other people - into fried chicken and testing the results for a paying audience.

PUNISHMENT: Assisting with grounds maintenance without use of magic.

*

NAME: Miller, Becky

HOUSE: Slytherin

INFRACTION: Selling tickets to “Habersberger’s Chicken Spectacular”.

PUNISHMENT: Selling tickets to the next play by Hogwarts’ newly formed Drama Club. 

*

NAME: Kornfeld, Zachary

HOUSE: Ravenclaw

INFRACTION: Running naked through the dungeon on a dare.

PUNISHMENT: Suspension of Hogsmeade privileges for a month, apologizing to the ghosts and poltergeist who saw.

*

NAME: Yang, Eugene Lee

HOUSE: Slytherin

INFRACTION: Daring Mr. Kornfeld to run naked through the dungeon and shouting "encouragement to his anaconda" in what sounded like Parseltongue as he did so. The absence of real snakes or anyone else who knows Parseltongue made this impossible to verify.

PUNISHMENT: Suspension of Hogsmeade privileges for two weeks.

*

NAME: Bustamante, Margaret

HOUSE: Hufflepuff

INFRACTION: Attempting to visit Mr. Kornfeld in the Ravenclaw dorm after curfew without being seen. 

PUNISHMENT: Cleaning a storeroom without using magic.

*

NAME: Hart, Hannah

HOUSE: Hufflepuff

INFRACTION: [Getting drunk on stolen wine in one of the kitchens.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06qkCOdHHlU)

PUNISHMENT: Loss of Hogsmeade privileges for the term, helping the House Elves in the kitchen for one Saturday. 

*

NAME: Bergara, Ryan

HOUSE: Gryffindor

INFRACTION: Nearly being crushed while attempting to communicate with the Whomping Willow after curfew in an effort to prove its sentience.

PUNISHMENT: Confiscation of homemade “spirit box” device, parents informed. Otherwise, the scare and memory of moderate injuries should be enough of a deterrent.

*

NAME: Madej, Shane

HOUSE: Slytherin

INFRACTION: Nearly being crushed while shouting obscenities and aggressively dancing around the Whomping Willow after curfew in an effort to disprove its sentience. 

PUNISHMENT: 100 lines of “I need not believe to respect”, parents informed. Punishment is mild due to showing bravery in saving Bergara from suffering any worse injuries when things went wrong. 

*

NAME: Frank, Ze

HOUSE: Ravenclaw

INFRACTION: Over several classes, and despite warnings, repeatedly asking about the [“true facts”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJA3dYwIB3s&list=PLOHbM4GGWADc5bZgvbivvttAuWGow6h05) regarding the mating habits of magical creatures in class while using irreverent and absurd language.

PUNISHMENT: An extra, well-researched homework assignment answering his own questions in detail. 

*

NAMES: Keith Habersberger, Edward Fulmer, Eugene Lee Yang, Zachary Kornfeld

HOUSE: all

INFRACTION: fire, inextinguishable and completely unprecedented four-color fire

PUNISHMENT: putting out the fire and fixing the fire damage how did they even 

note: no points lost from any House, because it would be a zero sum game, as long as the fire gets put out 

*

NAMES: Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej

HOUSE: Gryffindor and Slytherin, respectively

INFRACTION: Deeply upset the ghost that appeared in the owlry last year, but she won’t tell us how. The owls seem unhappy as well. 

PUNISHMENT: Confiscation of Ouija board, candles, holy water, spaghetti, and various items of Muggle tech that do not work here despite Mr. Bergara’s hopes that they would. Mr. Madej’s barn owl Obi is grounded for three weeks; his parents’ owl is perfectly able to bring correspondence from them in the meantime. They are both required to spend a Saturday cleaning owl cages.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope Maggie wouldn't feel uncomfortable being tagged if she knew. I just want to pay a small tribute to how she and Zach managed to date "secretly" for 2 1/2 years. Translating it to teens in different Hogwarts houses tiptoeing around the halls makes it even cuter.
> 
> It was tricky to sort the Try Wives/Try Gals since we don't know as much about them, but I made Maggie a Hufflepuff because she needed to be in a different House from Zach, and in Try Wives Wine Time the other ladies talked about how sweet she was. I ended up making Becky into a Slytherin for diversity and because of two things: the Try Wives Wine Time when she said she really likes Zach but could never be with him because he requires a level of caring and nurturing that she does not have, and because of the Pregnancy Diet video when she gleefully mocks Keith's mild distress. Ariel is not in here directly because I imagine her as an adorable goodie-two-shoes, but I think she'd be a Gryffindor because she has to match Ned in everything <3\. 
> 
> Ryan is a Gryffindor because even though he is scared a lot, he pushes through it. He believes it's important to be brave and chase the shadows. Shane is a Slytherin because he likes asserting dominance over the unknown and because he teases Ryan constantly - but he's the only person allowed to, got it? He also shows much admiration for displays of cunning, such as how cool he thought the Gardner heist was.
> 
> Hannah Hart is a Hufflepuff because she is most famous for getting cheerfully drunk and giggly while cooking noms. Also she has two very close friends she does tons of projects with. Ze Frank, who is a little bit of an outlier (everyone else has collaborated with the Try Guys, though he does come from an earlier generation of Buzzfeed) is a Ravenclaw because he does a lot of nerdy/quirky/educational videos.
> 
> The real Eugene has tried to speak Parseltongue in at least two videos. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
